Leaks
by Johnnycakesdepp
Summary: While at The Turner household taking care of their new son Jackson Jack and Anamaria have a bit of fun that leaves some scarred for life. I love reviews!


**Leaks**

**Status: One-shot**

**Ship: Jack/Ana slight Will/Liz**

**Genre: Romance/Humor**

**A/N: I got this idea when I was trying on an outfit for the first day of school because my boobs looked really big in one of my shirts. I thought about one story when Anamaria is on deck and one of the crew members tries to grab her breasts and then he says :"Not much to grab in my hands anyway." So that is how this story came about. It's very much out of my genre. I'm more into the drama/angst thing because I love when people die but this is a humor one. Maybe it's a good laugh; it might not be, I don't know. Either way review. Thanks luvs. **

Jack cradled his 8 week old son in his arms, rocking him in an effort to lull him to sleep. "Come on me little one. Mama and papa need some alone time eh? Come on luv," he urged. He couldn't help but smile as the little boy yawned and looked up at his dad. "That's it son. There's me lit'l pirate." He adjusted the blanket around the boy so it covered him sufficiently. A dark hand softly rubbed the small boys face. "How about the two of us have a bit of fun tonight?" Jack asked. "The lad's settled for the night. Will and Liz are already down for the count. It's just me and you luv." He looked at the woman standing behind him and tried to object when she took him out of his arms.

"I'm really tired Jack." She gave him an apologetic look and took her son to the second room the newlywed couple had given then for their stay while they took care of their son.

"Ana!" he cried helplessly following her. "I'm a man! I have needs!" She turned around quickly.

"Shhh!" she whispered loudly. "Don't wake him back up you moron!" He feigned pain at his heart.

"I'm a bit hurt luv. Is that anyway to talk to the father of your child?" she laid him down in the crib.

He leaned down over the railing of the crib giving his son a kiss on the forehead while Ana spoke. "If the father of my child is acting like a moron I'll call him out on it."

"… So what do you say to us having a good time tonight?" he suggested. "Because I would like to try out those new enlarged assets of yours." He said pointing to her chest. She scoffed.

"They're not flippin' sails Jack! They're breasts! And they're very tender."

"ANA!" he shouted like a 10 year old and she pushed him out the door closing it behind her.

"It's like having 2 of them," she muttered under her breath.

"Please Ana! It's been 4 months without sex! I don't know how much longer I can hold on!"

"Ok! Ok, ok, ok Jack!"

"Really!"

She brushed pass him going down to the kitchen. "No."

"Oh come on Ana! You know they're not gonna last that way for long!"

Ana gave him a questioning look. "What are you talking about?" He gestured at her chest again.

"Your…sails!"

"So what are you saying Jack? You wish I had bigger breasts?" she said with her hands on her hips and giving 'the glare'. Jack gulped knowing if he lied it'd be a lot worse than if he told her the truth.

"…Well…"

"You stupid git!"

"Wait no! I didn't mean it! I love your small sails Ana! I just thought that while they were larger I'd get to… test them out."

"These," she said grabbing one of her enlarged 'sails' in each hand, "are for Jackson."

"Wut! He gets them but I don't?"

"You didn't notice that in the 2 months I've been breast-feeding him?"

"Yes," he started, "but I thought I'd get my turn eventually."

"Argh!" she cried plopping down onto the couch. "You are the most infuriating, immature, moronic, son of a-" she stopped short when his lips were crushed onto hers. She tried to resist but finally gave in kissing him back fully while letting her hands roam his back. The captain pushed her on her back, taking control of the situation. His first mate stopped in between a kiss breathing heavily. "This is rape."

"If I remember correctly you've been kissing back. _And_ you're me---"

"I'm your what Jack?"

He looked sheepishly at a loss. "Think we could just go back to what we were doing?"

She pulled on one of his dreads. "Worst negotiator ever."

"You love me though." He smiled his trademark smile.

Her shoulders shrugged. "Aye. I guess I do."

"Guess?"

"I was joking Jack. Bloody hell man If I didn't I wouldn't be letting you do THIS right now!"

"Eh true," he said smirking against the kiss he planted on her lips. He began unbuttoning her shirt and she arched her back in an effort to pull of the sleeves. Her lips found her way to his neck and chest leaving wet kisses up and down them as he did the same while groping at her breasts. That is, until he felt something wet on his hands.

"Ana…" he trailed off while inspecting the liquid in his hand, rubbing it between his thumb and middle finger inquisitively. He gave it a look of disgust with wide eyes.

"What?" she asked. She topped her task of kissing his neck to see what the fuss was about.

He held up his fingers for show. "We seem to have a bit of a leaksy."

She shrugged brushing his hand away going back to what she was doing. For some one who objected the whole thing to begin with she sure was enjoying herself. She replied nonchalantly. "They do that."

He shook his head and wiped his wet hand on the couch. "I've seen many things in my life Ana. I've seen a man turn into skeleton in the moonlight, hell I've turned into a skeleton in the moonlight, I've seen men walk across the bottom of the ocean, I've seen a ship dive into the ocean and reappear, a man become a crustacean and a giant squid run by said crustacean. But _never _have I seen sails leak."

"Would you quit calling them bloody sails!"

"Alright then I've never seen fun-bags leak before."

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Breasts Jack. They're breasts."

"I really liked the term you used though."

"I never called them sails Jack! I said they weren't sails you buffoon!"

"Would ye come off the name callin luv? In 10 minutes I've been called a buffoon, a moron, immature, infuriating and a git and we're not even arguing!"

"You forgot idiot."

Jack stopped. "You never called me an idiot."

"I didn't?" He shook his head silently. "Oh…well I meant to."

The pirate climbed off of her going into the kitchen to find himself a bottle of rum.

"Come on Jack," she urged pulling her shirt back over her shoulders but leaving it open.

"Ana I am very hurt. I have been physically and verbally abused in this relationship." Anamaria sniggered behind him.

She snaked her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek against his bare back. "I'm sorry luv. I promise it won't happen again… tonight … if you don't say anything stupid." He pulled away after that.

"That!" he started pointing a finger at her. "Is the problem! Ana this is a relationship. This is spousal abuse!"

"We're not married Jack. You're not my spouse." He smiled sheepishly and got down on one knee.

"Will ye marry me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because marriage ruins everything! And plus married people always have less sex."

"Oh yeah and we have sex all the time!" he yelled sarcastically flamboyantly throwing his arms in the air.

"I just had your kid!"

"So! What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean!"

"I've been taking care of your son for 2 months!"

"What about the last two months while he was still in the womb? What happened then?"

"Well it's your fault you create such huge little buggers! If my stomach wasn't bigger than the mast I would have!"

"So should I feed you less the next go round?" She slapped him across the back of the head which meant she had just broken her promise.

"OW! ABUSE! And you just promised not to hit me again!"

"I said if you didn't say anything stupid. You ruined it Sparrow." Or maybe not.

Jack sighed and muttered under his breath. "Bloody hell."

Ana pulled him towards her by the arm. "Stop talking," she told him, kissing him to enforce the command. He took her shirt off again, though never letting his lips leave hers, and pushed her back on the couch for a second time.

"Jack!" she squealed in an uncharacteristic manner as ran his hands up the inner part of her thigh. "Jack you're-" The pair were so wrapped up in their business they didn't notice the horrified couple that were watching them have sex on their couch.

"What in heaven's name are you doing on my couch?" Elizabeth screamed at them. They scrambled trying to find things to cover themselves.

"What are you two doing up? I thought you were sleep?" Jack said holding a boot over his…manly possessions. Elizabeth grimaced.

"We took a walk. Why are you having sex on my couch? That's what the room was for!"

"Well," Will intervened, "Actually the room was for them to stay in while they took care of Jackson," Elizabeth slapped him on the stomach. "Ow! Sor-ry!"

"Well!" Jack began after the uncomfortable silence between the two couples. "I guess we should continue this upstairs then Ana. What say you to that?" he didn't bother to let her answer but picked her up in his arms letting the boot fall to the floor. Elizabeth and Will tried to look away as the naked pirate couple made his way upstairs but found it rather hard not to look as Jack had one boot on his left foot and limped up the stairs with the woman in his arms. "Oh!" he shouted back at the owners of the house. "Ye may want to stay clear of the couch. Maybe have it cleaned. We had a bit of a leaksy."

Will almost screamed as Elizabeth buried her head in his shoulder. "Oh my god. I'm scarred for life!"

"So am I Liz. So am I."


End file.
